I used to work for a company that did payroll and human resources for small businesses, and we had a huge rush for the sales team to meet their quota at Year End...even though I haven't worked there in almost 8 years, I still think about Year End as this time when I have to make decisions, do things, get shit done - you know what I mean, right?
So every year since I've been single (I refused to call myself divorced because there's really no difference, is there?), I go through my phone at the end of the year and decide who is going to make it....through the Great Year End Purge.
Because I like to start each year fresh and new, without any of the dating and emotional baggage from the previous awful year.
Yeah, the dating stories I could tell...oh WAIT. That is exactly what I am doing right now.
Grab your popcorn, y'all. I have a story to tell!
That right there is all me right now. Last week I had a GREAT date with a Navy guy who I dubbed #Aquaman. I met him on Tinder, and he was clearly military, despite his long hair and slight beard.
I would like to say that I am totally psychic and just sensed that he's military, but let's get real: after being an Army kid, then 14 years of being married to a Marine, and almost 3 years of dating mostly military men...there's just no fucking fooling me.
I can smell it on them, high and tight fade or not.
I can usually tell which branch they are too, but not always.
Buck back to the Great Year End Purge.
It was pretty spectacular this year. I got totally blow off by the Navy dude for brunch after I actually thought we were getting along pretty well on our first date, and I had a decent brunch with my girl, went home, napped, got up and wrote a blog post…
And the next thing I knew, I was at our local bar having a conversation with my kinda ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend (that he acquired before officially breaking up with me, to give you an indication of how that pseudo relationship ended), and was walking out at 1 AM.
I went home – still sober because I was designated driver that evening – and sat down on the kitchen floor and wondered…what the fuck happened to Aquaman?
I was so nice to him. I teased him a little, but I kept telling him, I am super sarcastic and rarely mean anything I say.
He said he liked it. I have no idea why he blew me off and it just spiraled into one of those “drink wine on the kitchen floor with my dogs and delete every man from my phone because I ain’t got time for that shit in 2018” things.
You could say that the situation escalated quickly.
I think the real reason I took his ghosting so hard is that a) I’d finally met a really nice, normal guy and managed not to fuck it up by being my crazy ass self and b) I was still reeling over being not just ghosted, but actually legitimately blocked by BritishBoyWonder after he’d told me on Christmas Eve that he wanted to marry me.
Yeah. That happened. We were talking about planning a trip to take a cruise together in the Spring and discuss actually getting married. This is the man I wrote about in this blog post almost two years ago…this is how it’s been going on with him.
ALMOST TWO YEARS. We only spent those few days together in 2016, but we’ve kept in touch.
We go weeks or months without speaking, then he pops up, or I pop up, and it spirals into us admitting we have never had that connection with anyone since, and why don’t we just pursue this?
Then he stops texting, I come to the realization that it is a dead end, and quietly step back.
This time…I was hopeful.
And then after New Year’s Eve, when I confirmed that yes, I did love him (we use that term loosely because while we aren’t in love, we do love each other), and I wanted to marry him…he blocked me.
No goodbye. No explanation.
The greatest love story of my life, and it was over just like that. BOOM.
All of this led to…The Great Year End Purge.
A few men made it through:
The #GingerGerman , who is referenced in this blog post about always being at the bar alone, and someone I still speak to at least once a week.
The man I can call anytime, any day, and he will make me laugh and smile. He’s actually coming to visit soon. I'd marry him and give him babies if I were still at that point in my life.
He definitely deserved to make it through the Purge.
Then there's #TheRussian, who I've seen three times since we met in October. He's 26, lives at home, budding career in IT.
He's a nice guy, super fun to hang out with...and really hasn't ever given me a reason to dislike him.
That's pretty much it. There was this #BritishGuy that I kinda had a thing with and developed some really major feels for, but I deleted him before the Purge even began.
He is moving to the states, but not Florida…and doesn’t want a long distance relationship. It’s a pity, really, because I am just crazy enough to have packed up and moved to his new city to see what would happened.
I know when I meet someone, if I can fall in love with them or not. We had an intense connection and I would have gotten hurt if I had pursued it. So BOY, BYE.
It wasn't even a matter of him doing anything wrong, it was self-preservation.
So now what? Man, I have no idea. I've been matching with a ton of fuckboys on Tinder lately, to the point that I haven't even gone on any dates because they just keep asking me to "come over."
I DON'T DO THAT.
I just can't anymore with these dickheads.
I thought about deleting my Tinder profile again, but was just like MEH. Whatever. I am at that point where I don't even care.
Good! New year, new adventures 😉