The Day I Stopped Caring About Being Pretty #MyBeautyMySay #DovePartner

This blog post is part of a paid Megan Media and Dove blogging program. The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own.

As I watched Fashion Blogger Jessica Torres' video for the Dove #MyBeautyMySay campaign, I felt a connection to her, not because of her struggles to find her place in the fashion blogging industry, but because of her desire to feel comfortable in her own skin and be accepted for who she is.

I grew up with a problem that many young girls face: I was self conscious about my appearance.  I can't place my finger on what kicked my low esteem into motion, or pick out any single defining moment that made me think, "I'm not pretty enough." But that thought was always there, in the back of my mind, mostly as a whisper, but sometimes as a scream.

A lack of self confidence can shape a young woman's entire world, trickling down into every aspect of her life. I thought I was too short, my breasts were too small, my butt was too big, my lips were too small, my hair was too brown. Yes, that was a real concern to my 16 year-old self: brown hair.

In her video, Jessica Torres drives home that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes and styles, and I can relate to that. I do relate to that.

For a long time, I felt like there was something lacking in my appearance, that I wasn't quite good enough...for anything. For the handsome guy that caught my eye, to hang out with the pretty girls in school, to go dancing at the trendiest clubs. Once I entered the blogging world, I was always behind the camera. I shared my experiences, what I was doing, but never ME. Well, very rarely me.

When I went on press trips and took group photos, I hated sharing them. I didn't want to be seen. I always said that it was because I wanted to share the experience, and not make my brand about ME, and that was partially true. But I also didn't want to put my face out there and be judged against my beautiful peers.

Low self esteem...Yeah, old habits die hard.

Then something happened that changed the way I saw the entire world. I got a divorce. My ex-husband's reason for leaving me was fairly basic and simple, and utterly devastating: he didn't find me attractive or love me anymore. So there I was, a woman with this voice quietly telling her for her entire life that she wasn't pretty enough, and then the man she loved told her the same thing. It's a dark day when someone confirms your worst fear about yourself.

During the early stages of my divorce, I went a little crazy with dieting, buying new clothes and trying all sorts of cosmetic enhancements, and while it did help me feel better about my appearance, it had ZERO effect on my life as a whole. I didn't feel any differently inside. I didn't feel any more confident than I did before.

Then something magical happened. I STOPPED CARING. So what if I'm short? So what if I'm getting wrinkles? So what if I now have to dye my hair to cover up the grays? SO WHAT. If losing 20 pounds, buying a new wardrobe and saying goodbye to my wrinkles didn't change the way I felt, clearly the problem wasn't the way I looked, it was the way I FELT about myself.

This is who I am, who I've always been and who I will always will be. Yeah, I have a big butt and my thighs jiggle. I DON'T CARE. I am awesome.

A new friend in the fashion blogging world gave me some advice while we traveled together on a trip last year: show your face. She told me that my fans would identify with me more if I made personal appearances in my social media, that people like to see the face of the person they're following. This was an entirely new world for me...and I was nervous to step in front of the camera and reveal ME.

But then I remembered: "I don’t care!"

I started taking selfies and posting them every so often on Instagram. I posted photos that weren't flattering, that showed my cellulite and my wrinkles.

So I'll tell you a secret. When you stop caring about being “pretty enough,” you start to realize that YOU ARE pretty enough. You realize that you are beautiful, that you are good enough, that other people’s judgments are empty, and nothing--not divorce, not the camera, not even brown hair--can bring you down!

The Dove film, #MyBeautyMySay, profiles nine women who have overcome their beauty limits. Instead of allowing their appearances to be used against them, they're celebrating their beauty. As all women know, judgement of our appearance can have a big effect on our lives and our self esteem, even if it's not intentional.

I don't often write about truly personal topics, because that's not what I am trying to accomplish on my blog. I want to inspire people to have fun...but this Dove #MyBeautyMySay campaign ultimately has the same goal. They want to inspire and empower women to rise above the standards of beauty that have been used against them.

I don't know about you, but I think we will all have a lot more fun when we stop caring about society’s “beauty norms.” And rebelling against the norm? That's kind of my thing.

This blog post is part of a paid Megan Media and Dove blogging program. The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own.