I have to preface this rant by giving credit where credit is due: it’s not just men FROM MIAMI. It’s all the men that our “Magic City” lures in with promises of endless sunshine, bikini-clad women and a nightlife scene that gives Vegas a run for its money. In my almost two years of being single, I have met a plethora of fuckboys from all over the world. Miami, which is a given. Texas, Indiana, Oklahoma, Seattle, New Hampshire – the United States is currently breeding fuckboys like bunnies on a Viagra-Ecstasy cocktail.
I used to be so nice. I was sweet. I was kind. I made brownies for guys I was dating. I gave them compliments. I sent Goodnight texts with kissy emojis. I turned down dates with other guys if I really liked someone…now I barely even save a guy’s phone number, because chances are, he’ll ghost me the next day anyway. When Chris left me, I was absolutely terrified of the single life, and having to meet guys…and every single fear that I had – they’ve all been validated. I HATE THIS SHIT.
Guys, I am TIRED. So I delete Tinder.You may have read about that here. So I go out with friends and meet seemingly nice guys in a bar on a Friday night…then of course, I realize a few days later that they’re completely psycho. So I reinstall Tinder. I met this really nice, normal, funny and handsome guy…we go out, have a fantastic date, get along well, and he’s awesome. So awesome that I sent his Tinder profile pics to my friends to show him off.
Then I realize a week later that he’s just as much a fuckboy as the guys I’m giving side eye to at the local pub. Blowing me off, cancelling dates…I don’t know why I am even still responding when he texts. Ladies, don’t be fooled by a man in uniform. I purposely avoid swiping on guys in the military, but THEY ARE SNEAKY! They never list their job or show photos while in uniform…they know that we know better.
Case in point – and yes, this is a real conversation I had, after mistakenly thinking that the guy was nice and normal and gave him my phone number…yet he DMs me on Instagram?! He has my phone number! The REAL one!
Why are you going to ask a girl out when YOU ARE MOVING IN TWO DAYS!? If you are that desperate for a woman’s company, go to the strip club like normal single men. I am not getting a blow out and putting on a cute dress for a first date for someone I’ll never see again. That’s just rude. That one was incredibly disappointing because he’s tall, blonde and well, isn’t that enough?
Oh, and this one? OY. He fed me lines about looking for a relationship and being such a nice guy…but kept inviting me to HIS HOUSE. I don’t do that. I am a lady. I require a proper date. Drinks, coffee, food, SOMETHING, dude. I will never understand why men think it’s acceptable to just ask a women to come over to their house and have sex. I am not a prostitute! He FINALLY asked me out on a real date, and we had a nice time. I didn’t even hate his gross beard that much. He teased me at dinner and made me laugh a lot. I wanted to see him again…a few days later I took the initiative (I am really, really getting tired of having to be the one to ask someone out, WHY IS THIS A FUCKING THING?!?!?!?) and asked him out.
So that didn’t happen, and then three days later I texted to see what he was up to and he said I was being annoying by constantly asking to see him. Um, a week ago, he told me “I am worth not being single for.” because he didn’t want me to date anyone else while we got to know each other.
Note: he is definitely NOT worth not being single for.
So he doesn’t want to hang out, tells me that I am annoying, and then this is him the next day…at 2:00 AM. YES, TWO AM IN THE MORNING.
PS – as you can see, I did delete his name from my phone. He didn’t deserve to have it in there.
I was going to just walk away gracefully, but I couldn’t resist telling him off a little.
Needless to say, I unmatched him on Bumble, deleted him from my Snapchat, Instagram and have deleted his number from the cloud.
This is me all week:
Ugh. There’s so much clean up to be done when you get tired of their shit. I don’t want them lurking around. Creeps…