October 19th, 2016.
Yeah, this is like a Dear Diary entry…this past week has been a cyclone of crazy. Let’s begin here – it was a good day, before the insanity began. I posted this to Instagram after hanging out with one of my best friends.
When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly? Life moves very fast. It rushes from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds. – Paulo Coelho
My buddy Alex and I have this talk often. We’re both Taurus. If you’re not a bull, you may not be aware that Taurus is known as “The Lover” of the Zodiac. Our entire purpose in life is to love. So we argue. He’s young and romantic and his head is still in the clouds. I had a rough marriage and a devastating divorce. I’ve mostly recovered and I’m pretty happy, but I’ll often tell him, “Love is overrated.” He disagrees vehemently. Oh, to be young and foolish! He races headfirst towards love, no matter how fleeting. After my divorce, I have learned to guard my heart like Fort Knox. Except for this one time…I slipped and fell into some feelings…and if didn’t end well.
(This is Alex, not the guy I caught feelings for. Say HI to Alex! He’s going to start writing on the blog with me)
We sat and rehashed the same argument tonight, because he was there for the ride when it happened, and I found myself agreeing with him for once: it was worth it. I shocked myself, because I actually meant it. But you see, the problem with falling in love and having it end…is that now you know what you’re missing.
I took a series of lovely sunset photos with a special man the last time I was in Key West and I could never bring myself to share them publicly. He was too special. It was so new. I didn’t want to explain to anyone what was happening. When it ended, I was grateful for the lack of “clean up” on social media.
Love is a roller coaster. It’s fun and exhilarating, and you rant to ride again and again. But at some point, you throw up and vow never to ride again. I haven’t reached that point yet. I hope that day never comes. Because what is life without someone to love?
So that is what I posted to Instagram last week.
This. I was happy. I wanted to post these photos all over the world. Photos of us hugging. Photos of us kissing. But I didn’t. My close friends knew what was happening, but I held this man close to my heart until it was over.
So I had this wonderful talk with Alex, we talked about catching the feels and how after it was all said and done (that guy and I broke up months ago), I am at a place now where I don’t think love is overrated. I kinda want to have it again. Because I don’t hate men anymore – and that divorce seriously made me hate men for a while. But I am back to the point of….what is life without someone to love?
My ex-husband and I split up over a year ago, and I accidentally fell kinda in love just a year later. I didn’t think that would ever happen again. I thought that my heart was too damaged. But it’s not! There’s hope for me yet…..but as you’ll see in the next few posts, I don’t always make wise choices, and I am probably not REALLY ready for a serious relationship yet.
I have trust issues.
I have pretty terrible taste in men.
And unfortunately, I have a hard time meeting attractive men over the age of 28.
But hey, baby steps, right?