Everyone and their mother has been adding me to these stupid LulaRoe Facebook parties and Facebook groups lately.
Here’s a tip: DON’T. I hate the brand.
I REALLY HATE THEM.
Why do people want to cover their bodies from head to toe? Do you know how hot it is in Miami? Why would I purposely purchase clothing that is going to make me sweat more? Why would I intentionally cover up my amazing legs? I HAVE AWESOME LEGS!
I know that LulaRoe was founded/created/inspired – whatever – by Mormons. This isn’t about that. I admire their being modest as part of their religion. Hell, I admire anyone who’s modest just for the sake of being modest.
You do you, girl. Whatevs.
But that’s not me.
I like to show skin.
I like to show a lot of skin.
It’s pretty. It’s usually tanned, it’s freckled, I spend a ton of money inking it up to make it even more pretty. I LIKE SHOWING SKIN. Even on a cold Saint Patrick’s Day in NYC, I wore daisy dukes…and a sweater.
I also really like showing my curves. It’s kinda my thing.
This morning I woke up to a friend who added me to yet another fucking LulaRoe Facebook group WITHOUT CONSULTING ME. I’ve known her for over a decade. Why she thought adding me was a good idea is beyond me. But I’m getting over a horrible case of strep and have zero patience for anything right now, so I went on a Facebook rampage.
I get it, I mean, my friends all want to see me settle down and find a nice guy and get remarried. Maybe I shouldn’t get a huge warrior goddess tattoo covering my entire upper arm. A guy friend asked me recently, “Aren’t you worried about the message that sends to the men you date?” and I was like “huh?” and he said, “You’re clearly not afraid of commitment.” Crap.
Maybe you shouldn’t be so brazen. Maybe you shouldn’t dress like that if you want to attract a boyfriend. I actually hear those things. Look, I dressed like a very modest wife while I was married and you know where that got me? DIVORCED. So now I wear what makes ME happy.
And who says I want to get remarried anyway? NOT ME! Does no one understand that this whole alimony thing is a REALLY BIG FUCKING DEAL? Do they not understand how hard I fought, what I went through in that marriage? The fact that I will be receiving enough in alimony to pay my mortgage until the house is paid off is a REALLY BIG DEAL. Why would I just throw all of that away to marry some dude who will probably just divorce me anyway? I am not against the idea of living with someone. I would like to meet someone amazing enough to fall in love with, move in with and have a home together one day.
But marriage is not an option for me. EVER. Even after the alimony runs out. I rode the crazy train of matrimony for fourteen years and that was enough.
My friends are all “come move over here by me, it’s such a great neighborhood!”
I look around and see families and kids…um? That’s not my life anymore. There’s no husband and Angeline turns 19 TODAY. She’s looking at apartments with her boyfriend. I don’t need a family-friendly neighborhood. I need a cute apartment downtown in a city somewhere bustling with excitement and fun.
My friends are like, “Keep your house! It’s great equity for your future!” My future of what? All the kids I don’t have? I plan on spending my retirement somewhere in Asia where it cost $10 a day to live. Or Mexico. Everyone seems to go to Mexico to start life over and live in huts on the beach. It doesn’t sound that bad. I do love tacos. And if none of that works out?
There’s always the convent.