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    Home » Lifestyle

    The Importance of Taking Care of Your Financial Future

    Published: Nov 1, 2018 · Modified: Nov 1, 2018 by Jennifer · This post may contain affiliate links · 7 Comments

    44 shares

    This post is in collaboration with TIAA to empower women experiencing divorce, encouraging them to take control of their financial future.

     

    When we're young, many of us have a vision for how our lives may turn out...we are living an amazing life, we have a successful career, we are married to the person of our dreams, we are raising amazing children, maybe we have a family dog...and for many of us, that vision actually comes to fruition. We get married, we raise a family and we live happily ever after. However, it doesn't happen for all of us. Or if it does happen, it may not last long.

    In my early 20s, I met a man with whom I thought I would spend my life. We were happily married for a while, in fact, I was blissfully happy. Then suddenly, I wasn't. Things went south and when they did, it wasn't pretty.

    The Importance of Taking Care of Your Financial Future

    You see, I grew up in a very traditional, old fashioned household. My parents had a very traditional marriage; my mother never worked, my father was the sole income provider, and I was taught that divorce wasn't really an option. No one in my family got divorced, it just wasn't something we did. Yet, here I was. It wasn't my choice. I fought it. I fought for it. It was devastating to say the least. While it came as a complete shock, and out of the blue - at the same time, it didn't. There were signs there all along, and I think that somewhere in my subconscious, I knew that my marriage was unraveling. I'd already saved a nice sum of money for my taxes that year (as a self-employed person, taxes can be quite a bit, so I'd always save a big chunk of change for tax time). I didn't have any debt solely in my own name, my car was paid off and I refused to buy a new one because I didn't want car payments. When I stepped back and assessed my situation, I realized that I had been mentally preparing for the worst case scenario.

    I took a look at my life. I looked at my daughter, just finishing her junior year in high school, I looked at our home (our FAMILY HOME). I looked at...I looked at everything. I sat down and really thought about our lifestyle - Angeline and mine - and how much our day to day lives really depended on the financial security that my husband's income provided. It was substantial. While I earned quite a bit with my blog, my husband earned more...

    The Importance of Taking Care of Your Financial Future

    We've all heard stories about women who lose everything in a divorce, who struggle to make ends meet. It may seem shallow and superficial, but I didn't want to lose my lifestyle. We had a really good life. We traveled a lot, we had our nail appointments, we went out to eat, Angeline was about to need a car...of course we didn't NEED these things in order to be happy in our lives, but they sure help! I didn't want to wind up like one of those women who were financially devastated because her husband left her. I didn't want to struggle with bills, or have to say no when Angeline needed something. I didn't want Angeline to suffer in any way; losing her stepfather was bad enough. So many things change when you get divorced, the entire family dynamic changes. I didn't want to add to that stress and hurt by also going broke!

    To learn more about my story, watch this video. 

    So I stopped crying. I sat down and looked at our bills, our debts, our assets. Our divorce process went so quickly. Looking back, I am actually shocked at how quickly the ball began rolling once set into motion. Within 10 days, we were meeting with a professional to help walk us through the paperwork.

    However, I didn't wait until then. Within a few days of my husband telling me he wanted a divorce, I was searching alimony laws, information about the laws in Florida, and coming up with a plan. I was NOT going to be taken advantage of. I wanted to take control of my financial future. Within a week, we were creating separate bank accounts. He removed me from his phone plan, his car insurance, and I was opening up new credit cards in my own name (we'd only had joint everything during our marriage).

    We sat down and went over our debts, our assets.

    The Importance of Taking Care of Your Financial Future

    I made my case. I explained why I wanted our home, why I wanted our property in North Carolina - these were things I'd purchased from my grandfather and I wanted them to stay in the family. It made sense to him, and he agreed to let me keep them, even though they were really our only assets. I was fortunate when it came to our debts, because I was not a big spender, and most of the debt was for things he'd spend money on. I argued that he should take all of the debt because he had a solid, stable income and I did not, as I was self-employed. I was also left with the financial responsibility of raising Angeline, whereas he would walk away with ZERO obligation to her expenses because he had never adopted her.

    These were all things I focused on while I was also hopeful that he'd change his mind. He moved out within a few weeks - three weeks, to be exact. It was a really emotional time for me, but I tried as hard as I could to set my feelings aside and make sure that I was taken care of, and that Angeline was taken care of. I've seen so many people go through a divorce and then later realize that they were taken advantage of because they just didn't have the strength to fight for themselves. It's understandable! Divorce is like a death, and I was definitely mourning, grieving - it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

    The Importance of Taking Care of Your Financial Future

    Divorce changes everything...but I didn't want to let it change my life any more than it had to. I wanted to continue living the same life I had led for 14 years - just without my husband.

    I recently collaborated with TIAA to help women who are going through similar situations. Some of the stories I heard about others' divorce process were heartbreaking. I don't know where I got the strength to fight for myself during my own divorce process, but I want to let people know that it can be done. Women don't have to lose everything. Isn't losing your marriage bad enough? 

    I encourage you to visit TIAA.org to learn more about you can take control of your financial future!

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    About Jennifer

    Jennifer, AKA "The Rebel Chick," is a 40-something Gen Xer who strives to help her readers live their best lives possible with easy recipes, travel inspiration and lifestyle tips!

    Comments

    1. Lori says

      November 01, 2018 at 12:06 pm

      I think this is such an important message! I have a friend who recently got divorced after 27 years because he cheated. He has lots of money but left her with very little. Thankfully, the ranch they were living on, is in her dad’s name but she never thought about putting anything else in her name or saving up for anything. He took care of it all.

      You are brave to share your story!

    2. Nicole Olea says

      November 01, 2018 at 12:40 pm

      So proud of you Jen. I'm sure you're helping a lot of women by opening yourself up about what was a difficult time in your life.

    3. Jenn says

      November 01, 2018 at 2:27 pm

      Thank you so much! I am so grateful that at least the ranch was in her name. So many people - even men - when going through divorce don't realize that you have a right to THEIR assets even if its NOT in both people's names. For instance, my ex's 401(k) - he owed me half!

    4. Jenn says

      November 01, 2018 at 2:28 pm

      Thank you! It was so hard but I just felt it was something I HAD TO DO.

    5. Tamie says

      November 01, 2018 at 3:45 pm

      You did a really good job standing up for yourself in the divorce mediation, and sticking to your guns in what you believe to be right and fair. I’m still trying to hold back the tears after reading your article and watching the video, thinking about how hard it must have been for you bringing up all of the emotions and strength that it took you to keep yourself together to think clearly, and just try to get thru it all, and then have to relive it all to do this program. Xo

    6. Shelley says

      November 02, 2018 at 10:10 am

      Jen, you're amazing. Thank you for sharing your experience--it's incredibly powerful. You're a beautiful person and I'm so proud of how strong you are--and how strong you're becoming.

      Love you!

    7. Sue says

      November 02, 2018 at 2:14 pm

      Such an important message. I'm happy you were able to avoid divorce lawyers. I wasn't so lucky because my ex forced us to go through lawyers and we wasted thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars fighting over nothing.

      Mediation is the way to go! I only wish my ex had let us do that.

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    Hi, I'm Jennifer! I'm a Miami native and I love sharing easy dinner recipes, baking recipes, travel ideas and general Miami Lifestyle fun! Follow along for inspiration on how to make the most of your life!

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