Across the world Christmas decorations are going up, present deliveries are coming in and plans are being made. People across the world are approaching the last sprint at work before they can begin to wind down for the holiday season. We’re all looking forward to the same things – a roaring fireplace, a mince pie or two and a good Christmas cracker.
Christmas cracker jokes are one of those things that we all love to hate. Though many people protest how horrendous these jokes can be, we all secretly love rallying against the cringeworthy ones and chuckling over the rare, cleverly written pun which will make you stop and smile.
By and large Christmas cracker jokes are designed to appeal to a wide audience – if a joke goes over someone’s head they tend to feel left out or disappointed, which is the last thing you want at the Christmas dinner table. As a result, every year we tend to see the same style of jokes popping up each year. We’ve split these jokes into five different categories that we see year on year, and picked up to five jokes that we either expect to see as we start digging into a mountain of festive food.
Christmas jokes are possibly the easiest cracker jokes to come across. They’re topical so it only makes sense. Here’s a selection of the best Christmas cracker jokes surrounding our yuletide traditions and stories.
- What’s the best Christmas present ever?
A broken drum set – you just can’t beat it!
- What’s a dog’s favourite carol?
Bark, the Herald Angels Sing!
- What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas morning?
It’s Christmas, Eve.
- Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
Because they always drop their needles!
- How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed!
Christmas food jokes
What’s even more topical than Christmas during Christmas dinner? Christmas food. Here are a few of the very best Christmas food jokes which will get your family and friends groaning as they work their way through a mountain of food.
- Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
- What’s a mathematician’s favourite Christmas snack?
A mince pi.
- Who hides in a bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
- What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
The man of the hour, Santa Claus, has his fair share of Christmas cracker jokes too. Some of these are a bit cringey, some of them are a bit clever and others just make you grimace as you shake your head slowly, trying not to smile.
- What is Santa’s favourite pizza?
One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even!
- What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
- Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
- Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
- Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low elf esteem!
Not all Christmas cracker jokes directly relate to Christmas – some of them simply talk about the fact that it’s cold outside. These are the kind of jokes which make you happy to be indoors, amongst the food, warmth and Christmas cheer.
- What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf?
You’re so last season…
- Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose!
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
- What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly-good fellow…
Wild card jokes
Not all Christmas cracker jokes are Christmassy and not all Christmas cracker jokes are seasonal. Some are entirely random. These are the last few that should be watching out for, lest they catch you unawares. Here are a couple of the more random jokes that you should be looking out for this Christmas.
- Why are horse-drawn carriages so unpopular?
Because horses are rubbish at drawing
- What’s round and angry?
A vicious circle
- Why don’t penguins fly?
Because they’re not tall enough to be pilots