I’m channeling my inner Xenia Warrior Princess

I never actually watched the show, Xenia Warrior Princess…but I got the gist of it through the commercials. Hot woman doing lots of action-y things, being a warrior, showing off her abs and flipping her hair. Right? Did I miss anything?

My friend and my husband are trying to talk me into competing in the Warrior Dash this December, and I am resisting. I don’t want to get muddy. I don’t like getting dirty.

Especially when I know that there are going to be pictures taken and plastered all over the Internet.

Yeah, I’m vain like that. Who’s not?

Also? I am in no shape to be competing in a 3 mile race.

I jiggle. 

A lot. 

My husband began training for the race last night. It was pretty hard to concentrate on my DVR’d episode of Hell’s Kitchen with the clanging of exercise equipment coming from the family room.

So I turned the television up.

The thing is, I really want to participate in things like this, but I am so out of shape that it’s not even funny. I smoke, I’m overweight, I eat junk food (a lot of junk food – thus, the being overweight) and I have horrible insomnia that leaves me with little energy during the day to do things that must be done, let alone exercise!

So I want to find a way around all the hardcore work-out routines and still lose a little weight and shape up so that I can join everyone else in the Warrior Dash.

Yes, even though there are going to be pictures of me with mud in my hair on the Internet. I’ll somehow survive…maybe I’ll wear a mask…

I found this slimming massage belt that might do the trick, so today I did a little research on it to see if it might actually work. There is a ton of gimmicky exercise equipment on the market right now, so I wanted to figure out if this was a gimmick or something that would be worth my time and money.

I want abs like that!

Here’s what I found:

• The ab belt uses massage and heat to heat up the body’s core. This core heating is said to promote the break up of belly fat
• It claims to tone abdominal muscles, though it is not clear if it does so via heat, massage, or some other mechanism of action
• The slimming belt is roughly the size of a weight lifting belt with an attached remote
• There haven’t been any clinical trials to support claims that this works but…
• I haven’t found any negative reviews online – that says a lot to me!

WINNING!

PS – please forgive me for the Charlie Sheen reference. I couldn’t help myself.