We usually rent a movie through OnDemand or one of the movie rental kiosks on Friday night – especially if my husband is out of town and it’s just my daughter and I.
We usually disagree on which movie to rent.
Why? Because my daughter likes horror movies and I do not.
When we rent a horror flick, one of two things is going to happen:
- I will get scared and have to fall asleep with the television on, or
- The movie doesn’t scare me at all and I get frustrated with the lack of scariness and bitch about it the entire time we watch it.
Case in Point…
Last weekend, we rented Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark. Angeline had already seen it, and she loved it. She thought it was all kinds of scary. So we settled in for the night, I popped SmartPop! popcorn, we poured our tea, and got ready to be scared.
I even let her turn off the lights.
So here’s the premise of the movie: a little girl goes to live with her dad and his girlfriend in an old house that has light-hating monsters in the basement. They like to eat the teeth of children…so they try to eat her.
And NEVER ONCE does she turn on the light. Even when she is standing next to a lamp and they are trying to eat her.
I mean, come on. Really?
I kept yelling at the television, TURN ON THE LIGHT, YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRL!
My daughter kept telling me, “she’s just a little girl, she doesn’t know to turn on the light!”
To which I replied, “She’s taking photos of them to scare them with the flash, of course she knows the light hurts them, THEY TOLD HER!”
And they did, they actually told her when they first tried to make friends with her to lure her into the basement, “turn off the light, it hurts us.”
At the end of the movie (they still hadn’t turned on the lights), the little monsters are trying to get the girl and have a rope tied around her feet, using it to drag her into their hole in the earth. The father’s girlfriend is trying to save her, and they wrap the rope around her leg as well. She begins cutting the rope….in front of her, so the monsters can still drag her away because the rope is tied around her leg.
The little girl gets away, the dad finally wakes up and comes to rescue her…and the girlfriend gets dragged down into the earth.
Seriously? You didn’t think to yourself, hey, I should cut the rope so that BOTH OF US GET AWAY?
There were so many things wrong with this movie that I can’t even begin to tell you how comical it was. The acting was pretty good – Katie Holmes played the girlfriend – and the story line was actually a great one…
But no one thought to turn on the lights? Never?
After the movie was over, Angeline asked me if I was going to be afraid to go to sleep…
I told her I’d just use my flashlight app on my iPhone if the monsters came out.