Fictional Friday: Exchanging Rings for Jeans

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I stood in front of the tri-fold mirror with my eyes half closed, not allowing myself to focus on the blurry image in front of me.

I was scared.

Scared that I wasn’t going to like what I saw.

Scared that what I saw was going to change the way I felt.

Because I felt good.

I felt strong. Healthy. Pretty…

No – I felt hot.

And I hadn’t felt hot in a long time. After he walked out, practically running off with a woman just a few years older than our daughter, I certainly didn’t feel hot.

It took a long time, a lot of hard work, dedication and perseverance, before I began to feel like myself again.

Two years ago, I didn’t think that I would ever feel like myself. Going through the separation process, meeting with my divorce lawyer for the first time – none of that made me feel hot. It made me feel worthless. It made me feel ugly, small. I didn’t remember who I was before – 18 years with a man will do that to you. I had to think hard to remember if I’d even had other boyfriends or gone on dates before I met him.

How was I going to start over? Do this all over again?

I think that I realized somewhere along the way that his failures were not my failure, but that didn’t stop it from eating away at my soul.

“If I had tried harder. What if I had been sweeter? If I was kinder, more compassionate. If I had lost the weight and kept it off. If I had only dressed better, worked harder on my make up. If I had shown interests in his stupid soccer or…”

The endless list of what-ifs. Those what-ifs, they’ll tear your soul to pieces if you let them.

I had to shake it off. Today was different. It was a new day, a new beginning, the start of a new life. Today, I was a single woman again. A divorcee. I was buying a $400 pair of True Religion jeans with the money I got from pawning my wedding and engagement rings.

Out with the old, in with the new.

I opened my eyes and focused on what I saw. I shook out my hair, letting it fall messily over my shoulders. I smiled. I put my hands on my hips, arched my back…

And I liked what I saw in the mirror. I really liked it.

The way I felt? It was right there in the mirror.

And it was hot.

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Comments

  1. says

    Great post!
    Is it fiction? Partly true?
    One little piece of concrit:
    There is one piece in the middle that you put in quotes, like dialogue. But the whole piece seems to be internal… what she’s thinking. It seems odd that she might say those few words outloud.
    My favorite part is the beginning… where she’s admitting to being scared.

  2. says

    I read this twice. So proud of you! Take a negative and turn it into a positive – and you deserve all the positives you can get, girlie! *hugs*

  3. says

    Ok…I must be a blonde under this red. Fiction, Kenda…fictional friday. LMFAO. I am a dork. But hey… just shows how good it is – I TOTALLY believed it!!

  4. says

    I agree with Kenda. #Score
    We can’t hold ourselves responsible for another’s interpretation. Nopez, ‘s not fair in either direction – the character learned that lesson :) (y)

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